Top ten albums of 2014

Traditions whose absence would mean Christmas would just not be Christmas: The Coke advert (“holidays are coming”), Starbucks’ Red Cups,  the two week special edition of the Radio Times, and of course my end-of-year music best-of list

One way or another I have acquired (and no, that’s not meant to be as dodgy as it sounds) over 90 studio albums released in 2014.  As great as some of the reissues (Nas Illmatic XX), hip-hop history lessons (Wu-Tang Clan, Dr Dre, Notorious BIG, The Roots, Mos Def, Public Enemy) and Record Store Day releases (Life Without Buildings, The Pogues With Joe Strummer, singles boxed-sets of Soundgarden and The Dead Kennedys) undoubtedly were, well it’s all about the here and now, innit?  One day I’ll get old, draw a line, refuse to listen to new music and dismiss whatever the young people are listening to these days, but given I only managed to pick up 63 new releases last year it would appear I’m not heading to that place quite yet. Good for me.

Given what a high (quality) year 2014 has been, you can hardly blame me.  Indeed, this prolific and welcome output was hardly limited to any particularly genre.  In pop/rock we had the breakout success of Royal Blood (self-titled), the triumphant return of Jamie T (Carry on the Grudge), Foo Fighters’ best album in a good while (Sonic Highways), the delightfully off-the-wall St Vincent (another self-titled effort) and the perennial (and recently rather reliable) titans Manic Street Preachers’ satisfying counterpart to the acoustic/mellow 2013’s Rewind the Film (Futurology). Plenty of other great stuff in that (loosely titled by yours truly) genre too – Counting Crows’ Somewhere Under Wonderland, Nina Persson’s (of the Cardigans) Animal Heart, and Alt-J’s This Is All Yours, to name but three more.

If you’re a fan of heavy music / prog metal, if you weren’t happy with 2014 I suggest you put your affairs in order as I’m not sure there’s anything more that can be done for you.  Breathe in. 

Animals As Leaders produced the mind-bendingly mental The Joy of Motion (the various Cloudkicker output will give you a comparably toned down slice of prog metal).  Pale Communion was a bit safe and narrow in its focus, but a less good Opeth album is still better than most mere mortals can hope for.  In Swedish Martyrdod’s Elddop and American Trap Them’s Blissfucker we have two brutal and mighty records of the highest order (I also discovered Oathbreaker this year, sadly too late to include the magnificent Eros!Anteros in my 2013 best-of).  None too shabby efforts from groove metal legends Crowbar (Symmetry in Black) and Hellyeah (Blood For Blood) nor from EyeHateGod with their first album in umpteen years.  Lacuna Coil’s Broken Crown Halo contained tunes as irresistible as theirs always are. The Melvins’ Hold It In (for which the band included two members of The Butthole Surfers) proved that 2010’s failed experiment The Bride Screamed Murder was but an anomaly in the otherwise consistently brilliant Washington band’s ever increasing output.  I need a little more time with Old Man Gloom’s double opus (The Ape of God I/II) but signs point towards upward thumbs.  Sick Of It All’s Last Act Of Defiance will please anyone who likes New York hardcore both generally and when it’s been the same for 20 years (ie AFI fans who stopped listening in 2000).  And although a bit of a hotchpotch and not exactly the out-of-left-field triumph of the self-titled release in 2008, a new record from the super-group United Nations (The Next Four Years) will never be unwelcome.  Every Time I Die’s From Parts Unknown was also a very welcome release in that particular vein.

Breathe Out.

For the third and final genre into which I’m going to struggle to force musical outfits for the sake of one more paragraph of procrastination, obviously I’m going to pick jazz.  I’m much happier with the recorded output I’ve checked out in 2014 than I was last year, in terms of both variety and quality.  We had the Helge Lien [piano] Trio’s lovely and understated Badgers And Other Beings, and for other jazz that is “safe” but executed extremely well, there was Keith Jarrett & Charlie Haden(RIP)’s The Last Dance, Chick Corea’s Trilogy (not actually a studio album; so sue me), and/or The Pat Metheny Group’s Kin.  For more modern stuff, try Jean Toussaint 4tet’s Tate Song, GoGo Penguin’s V2.0, The Bad Plus’ Inevitable Western (their other 2014 release was the not altogether successful rendition of Stravinsky’s The Rite Of Spring) and/or the superlative Roller Trio’s sophomoric Fracture (in whose liner notes I am credited (due to spending more than £25 in the crowdfunding pre-order)).  Submotion Orchestra’s Alium is definitely more hit than miss (although they’re a bit too “cool” and restrictively-structured to be superior for me).  I took a punt with Marius Neset & The Trondheim Jazz Orchestra at Ronnie Scott’s and I was unsurprisingly rewarded, the record itself (Lion) more than living up to the live show.  Somi’s The Lagos Music Salon has some standout moments (but it is a bit samey and it doesn’t need all of its 18 tracks).  Check out the revelatory violinist Regina Carter’s Southern Comfort if you like a bit of southern folk with your jazz (and even if you don’t, because you will).

Disappointments

Not many of these, thankfully.  Mastodon’s Once More ‘Round The Sun is their weakest record to date, mainly because it represents the least progression (if any) between albums.  The new direction taken on the Neil Cowley Trio’s Touch and Flee makes it an incredibly dull record, truly background fare if ever there was.  I had such hope for trumpet virtuoso Ambrose Akinmusire’s second outing, but as a wise jazz friend said to me, most of it sounds like a musical study.  At one point I had more hope for him than another contemporary trumpet master, Christian Scott, but alas no longer

Lily Allen’s Sheezus is, overall, a mess (she herself somewhat refreshingly acknowledges it’s not her strongest work).  The singles Hard Out Here and Air Balloon are truly horrible but in tracks 4-6 there is a beautiful trilogy of songs, starting with Our Time and ending with the tragic and affecting Take My Place.

Hiromi’s third record of the Trio Project, Alive, is Voice part 3, with all the virtuosity and none of the tunes.  As a massive fan of Pink Floyd’s The Division Bell, I was looking forward to The Endless River but it’s actually an ultimately pointless release.

The prolific and talented Max Cavalera has many recordings to be proud of.  Cavalera Conspiracy’s bland third album (Pandemonium) is not one of them.  Similarly, after a couple of corkers, Machine Head’s Bloodstone Diamonds is not all that – it’s derivative and overlong.

Near misses & special mentions

Picking a mere top ten was rather difficult.  I could have easily made it to twenty.  Cut-missers include the previously mentioned Animals As Leaders’ crazily satisfying The Joy Of Motion, Foo Fighters’ Sonic Highways (I generally find I have to be in the right mood for Dave Grohl’s crowd-pleasers, but I really do enjoy this), Marius Neset’s inventive and superbly executed Lion, and Opeth’s Pale Communion (do we miss the death growls?  Sometimes I guess).  Others include the jangly self-titled album from Omar Rodriguez-Lopez’s Antemasque (notable for featuring Flea on bass and for welcoming Cedric Bixler-Zavala back into the fold), post-rock epic wizards Crippled Black Phoenix’s White Light Generator, John Frusciante’s best and most consistent record in ages (Enclosure), Mogwai’s Rave Tapes (far more consistent in quality than their previous Hardcore Will Never Die, But You Will), super-group Killer Be Killed’s self-titled album (whose whole is admittedly not as great as the sum of its Dillinger Escape Plan / Mars Volta / Mastodon / Soulfly parts), and Japanese post-rock beauty-mongering Mono’s pair of albums The Last Dawn / Rays Of Darkness.

Dry The River’s Alarms In The Heart is better from start to finish than Shallow Bed, albeit with no single song as good as New Ceremony, Ed Sheeran’s X (pronounced “multiply”, apparently) is great fun, and Damien Rice’s My Favourite Faded Fantasy was definitely worth the wait.  Acrobatic acoustic guitar duo Rodrigo y Gabriela produced another album in 9 Dead Alive to delight those of us who revel in people being truly spectacular at what they do.

.5: The Gray Chapter retains a helluva lot more Slipknot than one might have thought in the absence of chief songwriters and co-masterminds Paul Gray (RIP) and Joey Jordison.  It’s a fine record featuring more than its fair share of cracking songs, but like 2008’s All Hope Is Gone it’s not going to make you squirm with life-changing astonishment as did the masked men’s trilogy of masterpieces that ended with the transcendental Vol.3 The Subliminal Verses.  But that’s OK.

Having banged on for two (Microsoft word) pages, I think it’s about time I got to the point.  Here we go:

Finally, the actual top ten

10) Khatia Buniatishvilli – Motherland

I’m intelligent when it comes to music, but I’m not wise.  I know how to use most of the tools, but I’m not able to make a table.  Ergo as much as I love classical music, I’m not the guy to tell you which recording is better than the other.  Sometimes, however, it’s so in-your-face obvious not even I can miss it.  The terminally overrated Lang Lang’s playing is invariably vulgar (he can get the notes right and play loud and fast, but that’s about all).  Georgian pianist Khatia Buniatishvilli, on the other hand, is a revelation.  One listens to her recordings or watches her give a live performance and one can tell she’s something special.  After an album dedicated to Lizst and one to Chopin, Motherland does not focus on any particular composer, which is of course exactly how Buniatishvilli gets to show off her range – across the 17 tracks we have quiet and loud, fast and slow, contemporary and baroque, and she approaches them all with effortless passion, lyricism and exquisite musicality.

Check out: Vagiorko mai / Don’t You Love Me? (Trad), Menuet From Suite in G Minor HWV 439 (Handel)

9) Martyrdod – Elddop

For a heavy metal album, I struggled to choose between this and Trap Them – Blissfucker.  Both are loud, brutal, cathartic, and mighty, strongly composed and superbly performed. I landed on Martyrdod because they’re a little bit different.  For starters, the lyrics are unapologetically in Swedish (you can tell they’re not English from the track names, liner notes and, surprisingly one might think for this type of music, listening to them).  Most of the songs are quite short.  The vocals are a just tiny bit far enough away from “generic metal growling” to stand out.  There’s a decent bit of variety across the 15 tracks.  I suppose I must admit it’s not as a whole all that original, but it’s expertly delivered and ticks all the boxes I want from my metal.

Check out: The last three tracks will give you a flavour of the variety I mentioned: Martyren, Hjarnspoken, Under Skinnet

8) Morrissey – World Peace Is None Of Your Business

In deciding what was “best” in a given year, in a foolish attempt to be objective one might try to pick something a little bit original or new, or at least different.  A couple of years ago I didn’t pick Deftones’ Koi No Yokan for my top ten.  One of my favourite albums of that year by one of my favourite bands of any year? Yep. One of the most original and interesting albums of that year?  Not by a long shot.  In the year of our lord two thousand and fourteen, however, the majesty of Morrissey both in general and on his latest album means I am unable to leave him off the list.  I’m going to cheat a bit and refer to the special edition of the album, which came with a second CD.  Of the six tracks on that, the last five of them are as good as those on the main album proper.  Only four less successful tracks out of eighteen this far into his career speaks to Morrissey’s enduring talent and appeal, and as a new fan of his solo material I was perfectly happy that his November set at the O2 included ten of the new songs (alas he included two of the relatively weaker songs, Smiler With Knife and Scandinavia).  Older fans may say this is album isn’t up to his others but if that’s true I’m really looking forward to catching up with the old ones.

As usual, if you don’t already like Morrissey this ain’t gonna convert you. If you’re fortunate enough to do like him, everything you’ve come to know, love and expect is present and correct.  Weird wonderful lyrics? Check (“Neal Cassady Drops Dead, and Allen Ginsburg’s Tears Shampoo his Beard”). Huge choruses? Check (Istanbul, The Bullfighter Dies). Little moments of nuanced beauty? Check (The wordless singing that ends Neal Cassady Drops Dead, the way Mozzer sings “plaaaaace” in Kiss Me A Lot, the line “Give me the gun, I love you” in One of Your Own, and plenty more instances throughout). The solid musicians with whom he surrounds himself being more than his match? Check. Quirky but effective song-writing? Check (just listen to the bloody thing already)……

Check out: Neal Cassady Drops Dead, Istanbul, Kiss Me A Lot, One Of Your Own

7) Trioscapes – Digital Dream Sequence

Trioscapes is a side project of Dan Briggs, bassist from “the thinking person’s” hardcore band Between The Buried And Me.  I know that BTBAM suffer from a surfeit of intense and magnificent musicianship, but the ridiculousness of Briggs’ bass guitar abilities is even more verily apparent on this futuristic free jazz masterclass.  As one may expect from the band name, Briggs is joined by two other musicians, who play drums and saxophone (throughout the record there’s a few other things going on but those and the bass are the main three instruments).  Like I said, it’s very free, and it’s very noisy, which are not ingredients of everyone’s cup of tea, but the sheer energy and outrageousness of it all may well win you over.

Check out: The Jungle

6) Lamb – Backspace Unwind

A largely electronic musical duo from Manchester who have been on my radar for years (Lou Rhodes has collaborated with The Cinematic Orchestra but I never made the connection), but this year I finally took the plunge. As I’m a grumpy old purist I demand quite a lot from my electronic music (it’s not all that way – As Satellites Go By starts with just piano and vocals). Luckily Backspace has the ideas, the construction, the variety and the emotional payoffs to deliver in spades.  Some of it’s rather dance-able, some of it’s very beautiful.

Check out: In Binary, As Satellites Go By, What Makes Us Human

5) Wovenhand – Refractory Obdurate

Something a bit different for Jacob Bannon’s Deathwish record label, this (he knows that too, given I didn’t recognise the artwork as his).  By that I mean it’s not screamy and shouty and fast and loud.  Wikipedia lists it as “alternative country” and I have no advance on that, even though that hardly tells the whole story.  There’s plenty of inventive acoustic guitar throughout, as well as plenty of rock drums and electric guitar (some of it gets nice and distorted & noisy).  Vocals are a little bit down in the mix but that makes perfect sense as this hardly a singer-with-backing band.  The brainchild of a versatile and clearly very clever gentleman by the name of David Eugene Edwards, Wovenhand sound like Swans might if they were a little less mental and wrote short(er) songs.

Check out: Corsicana Clip, Obdurate Oscura, Hiss

4) Aphex Twin - Syro

Believe the hype.  Well some of it anyway.  Electronic music pioneer Richard D James has been away for a while but he’s sure come back with a worthy record.  Apparently it’s not easy to tell what the album was made on, but how a moog or laptop differ (at least in output) from whatever James has hidden away in his shed is beyond me.  Apparently it’s intelligent dance music, and that I can get behind. This seems to me to transcend the dance-floor and the MDMA and become true art in a way that (for me) Deadmaus, Skrillex, and the like do not.  Then again, 180db_[130] (yes, that’s a track name) seems a bit more straightforward while still being great fun.  There’s not much I can say about Syro that hasn’t already been said elsewhere – it’s weird, it’s brilliant, and it has samples of the James family’s vocals all over it (‘coz, y’know, that’s clearly a dealbreaker).

Check out: Minipops 67 [120.2][Source Field Mix], Xmas_Evet10 [120][Thanaton3 Mix] (all ten and a half minutes of it, if you’re up for it)

3) Zara McFarlane – If You Knew Her

Londoner Ms McFarlane’s 2011 debut, Until Tomorrow, would have gone on my best-of list that year had I heard it that year.  That album introduced the effortlessly talented jazz singer to the world, and her follow-up is its equal.  In many ways it’s better – its larger scope, for example – but then there’s nothing like the time one hears one’s favourite musical artists for the first time, is there?  With a very natural delivery, sumptuous timbre and a willingness to (generally) stay within her range, McFarlane bears happy comparison with the great Billie Holliday. Granted she tries to show off more these days, with mixed results (the “normal” scat singing is up there with any top class soloing, but don’t get me started on those horse noises she makes on Angie La La).  With her easy charisma, her willingness to give her band (not a weak link among them) plenty of room to breathe, her taking of the mantle from Bjork in bringing Manu Delago’s gorgeous hang drum playing to the world (on the lovely opening ballad Open Heart), her well-chosen and even better executed covers (Police and Thieves, Plain Gold Ring), wide range and deep ability, McFarlane’s star seems very rightly to be in the ascendant.

Check out: Open Heart, You’ll Get Me In Trouble, Angie La La

2) Swans – To Be Kind

I shan’t fail to make comparisons between this and 2012’s The Seer (yet another party I was late to) – they’re both epic 2-hour double albums (on CD, triple on vinyl), gloriously noisy, dripping with atmosphere, more than a little experimental, utterly hypnotic, flawed but fantastic.  I actively look forward to times when I’ll have 2 hours straight in which to listen to one of the last two Swans records.  Perhaps To Be Kind is the inferior of the two, being admittedly fairly similar to its predecessor, but only a little bit.  For every long patch of droning (which I never really feel could be cut) there’s a great riff ready to explode (like Oxygen’s).  This is very big music with a lot going on, all of it meaningful (especially the bells!) – even the lyrics are important (and have received much critical praise) if sometimes the vocals which deliver them are a occasionally a tad perfunctory.  It’s very repetitive, sure, but that’s so as to properly explore every musical idea mastermind Michael Gira brings to the table, of which there are clearly very many.

Check out: Oxygen (the closest thing to a “single” Swans are capable of), Kirsten Supine, (or if you’re feeling really brave for the next 34 minutes) Bring The Sun/Toussaint L’Ouverture

1) Pianos Become The Teeth – Keep You

When you watch a film billed as a comedy, your expectations of humour are raised.  When something funny happens you think “yeah well of course that happened, I’m watching a comedy” and you smile a little bit.  When you watch The West Wing or Firefly, neither of which are comedies per se, when something funny happens you roll about the floor laughing. 

When you listen to Pianos Become The Teeth you might reasonably expect the usual post-hardcore screamo that “The Wave” (Pianos, Touche Amore, La Dispute, etc) are known for.  2009’s excellent Old Pride and 2011’s even better The Lack Long After gave us that it and did so very well.  2014’s utterly gorgeous Keep You dispenses with that and instead gives us beauty.  But it’s the contrast that really makes it special and Pianos have clearly worked very hard to make sure that comes across.  Mostly, of course, that’s in the vocals – what Mr Kyle Durfey lacks in technical ability he more than makes up for in expression and lyrical wit – but very much in the guitars as well, right at the very start with Ripple Water Shine’s confident statement of intent, right at the very end with Say Nothing’s heart-wrenching outro, and many, many times in between.  That’s not to say the bass and drums are any less restrained, effective, or lovely.

After Listening to Keep You right the way through (which you absolutely must), you’ll feel like you’ve been raked over the coals, but that’s exactly why it works, and you’ll want to experience it again as soon as you can.

Check out: The Queen, Say Nothing

Bonus feature – twenty tracks for a 2014 playlist

Spotify: Jimmy E best of 2014 / Jimmy E best of 2014

1. Animals As Leaders – Para Mexer
2. Antemasque – 4am
3. Aphex Twin - Minipops 67 [120.2][Source Field Mix]
4. Beck – Wave (I haven’t mentioned Beck in the above, but this is a lovely highlight of his well-received Morning Phase album)
5. Crippled Black Phoenix – Northern Comfort
6. Crosses – The Epilogue (2014’s studio album only brought five new tracks, alongside the two previously released EPs, of which this one is the best (beating Bitches Brew by a hair))
7. Damien Rice – It Takes A Lot To Know A Man
8. Hellyeah – Hush (a bit cheesy but stomping good fun)
9. Lamb – In Binary
10. Le Butcherettes – Burn The Scab (a nice little slice of straight-up punk from Teri Gender-Bender and companions)
11. Lily Allen – Take My Place
12. Manic Street Preachers – Let’s Go To War
13. Morrissey – Neal Cassady Drops Dead (so many great tracks to choose from but this one has that wonderful singalong outro)
14. Pianos Become The Teeth – Say Nothing
15. Roller Trio – High Tea
16. Somi – Ankara Sundays
17. Swans – Oxygen
18. United Nations – Serious Business
19. Wovenhand – Corsican Clip
20. Zara McFarlane – Angie La La

High school was like boot camp for a desk job

How school does not prepare you for work

At school I was one of the high achievers.  One of the highest in fact.  Top of my Maths class, 8 A*s (and an A) at GCSE, 4 As at A-level.  I just about managed a first class degree from university, but it was clear from a few weeks into my very first year that no more would I be top of the class, or anywhere really near it. Now, seven years into my career, as I struggle with things that 3rd years have long mastered, as I watch my more talented junior colleagues get promoted ahead of me, it becomes ever clearer that my mediocrity is not going anywhere.  There is no-one and nothing but myself to blame for this, and no I'm not ragging on the system, but my story shows quite plainly how being academic and good at exams is but a small part of what it takes to succeed in the workplace. A shining example of this is a colleague of mine, my age, albeit a school year above me, who failed nearly every actuarial exam at least once, (I failed just the one, once) yet he is not one but two grades ahead of me at work. It just goes to show, once you get to a certain point, no-one gives a rat's arse about the certificates you have.

Boo hoo, poor me, whatever. It is not my intention to piss and moan about my own situation, or to blame the education system, but here are some things which my more successful colleagues have known for years:

Other people

Or "hell", as they are sometimes known. When you study for your exams, 90+ per cent of the time you do so alone, buried in a textbook and your notes.  Sure, at school you had your teachers but as a general rule you hadn't anyone to rely on but yourself.  Never did you have to wait for someone else to do a part of the studying for you (those mercifully rare instances of teamworked coursework aside).  Never did you have to coldcall someone up and offer them nothing in return for answering your questions or giving you information.  When you're at home or the library studying, people seem to respect what you're doing and leave you alone to do it.  Imagine if every 5 minutes your english or history teachers would ring you up to ask how your homework was going. Susan Cain (in her excellent book "Quiet") tells me that being interrupted is the number one killer of productivity, and I can well believe it. 

These things are a fact of life of course, and while the new traditional workplace is strongly geared towards extroverts and could do with some concessions to us introverts (less open plan, time to think alone before group brainstorms, and less of a push to manage more/do less), they aren't going to change any time soon, so I guess those of us who don't like it can get with the program or try something else. But can something be done to prepare people for the environment?  Should school teach people to manage others, ask others for information, and share around aspects of learning and delivering?  On this last point you might think that that's exactly what group work was supposed to illuminate, but ultimately you'd still have to know everything everyone else does (for the exam) and you knew that - if you do that at work you're a micromanaging control freak who needs to let go. Then again if you don't do it you can't tell your boss about it and she'll think you're not on top of it, so you're screwed either way.

Here's an interesting one - remember those times when you worked in class, and the whole class had to be silent? The complete opposite of an office, then.

There are no easy answers

At school there were, normally in the back of the book.  All the information you'd need to answer the questions posed was in the book right in front of you and, furthermore, written in such a way that you could work out what was relevant and what was not.  If it wasn't in that book, you didn't need to know it.  Again, very much the complete opposite to the real world (and by interpolation, the workplace).  I recently had to find out about the new requirements for disclosing company director remuneration in a set of accounts.  Was there a textbook that told me everything I needed to know in an easy-to-digest format?  Of course not.  I spent hours wading through some difficultly worded legislataion that I had to hunt for on the internet and draw my own interpretation from, only to check with a much more experienced colleague and find out I was off the mark in most places.  Not only could I not find the answers, I didn't even know what the question was, because neither did my client.  My client was looking to me to write the book for them. I had to decide what I had to learn - what was relevant and what was not.  Don't get me wrong, that's the reason I have a job in the first place as otherwise people wouldn't need consultants, but rarely before work do you ever have to find things for yourself.  Generally you just had to flick to page 21.

As I said, the exam syllabus is all-encompassing.  If it ain't on the syllabus, you don't need to know it. Imagine if a school paper asked a question about something not on the syllabus - there'd be an uproar!  They'd apologise, pat you on the head, grovel to your parents and boost your mark.  School is (other kids aside, goodness knows) all about you and what your teachers and the system can do for you.  Work is all about your boss and your clients / customers and what you can do for them (to paraphrase JFK, ask not what your employer can do for you....).  Why wait until people get to work before teaching them that?

70% is not a good mark

It'll get you a first class degree from university, but anything less than 100% at work is (rightly) unacceptable.  I'm trying (and failing) to imagine delivering a report to a client only telling them 70% of what's important for them to know, and with 30% of the numbers in it being wrong.  Doesn't compute does it?  Thankfully this one's easier to navigate.  At school, like I already said, you're on your own.  No-one else takes your exam for you and nearly all exams are closed-book.  Work is thankfully not closed-book (quick-fire meetings aside) and others check your work before it goes anywhere important.

Perhaps this isn't a problem at all then, but it does make you wonder the point of silent closed-book exams at all.  People grumble that the youth of today can't recite the kings & queens of England from the last 1000 years because, y'know, we have google for that (although not for a pub quiz you cheating so-and-so's).  The recent trend in education, seeming to be more pure exam-training and less wide, deep and secure understanding of something, would appear to be very much the wrong one.

Deadlines

You knew when your exams were.  You knew what date your project was due. You were quite deliberately given enough time to meet your deadlines (that you worked for 48 straight hours before them was entirely your own fault).  Furthermore, the exams and deadlines are set with full knowledge of the other deadlines and exams you are known to have.  The exam board knows not to schedule more than one exam at the same time.  Your school coordinates it (within reason, and specific student subject choices notwithstanding) so that you won't have every piece of coursework due at the same time.  Your clients want work as soon as possible.  They do not care what else you have on (why would they?).  Neither does your boss really.  Your client and your boss do not work together to make your life easy and give you deadlines that work for you.  School does not teach you that you won't always have lots of time to leisurely chew over a problem.  "Damnit Smith where the hell's that report!?"

Change

At school those deadlines, once set, did not change. Once the exam syllabus had been set and communicated to you, that was it for the year.  In this real world I keep talking about, the goalposts move all the time.  Data is delayed, information changes, others get things wrong, meetings move around, the government announces an overhaul of the tax rules just when you've finished your draft of a paper on the old ones.  All of that is your problem, not your mummy's or your teacher's.  Why didn't school prepare you for that?  Cruel world, isn't it?

Begin anywhere you want

The what, why and which of giving to charity

If I give money to charity and don't tell anyone about it, does it count?  Obviously, but as self-promoting as advertising one's philanthropy might initially appear to be, there is surely something about raising the awareness of others and inspiring them to a) donate themselves, and/or b) spread the word to others.

Do I need to film myself pouring water over myself in order to give money to charity and inspire others? No, but the damn thing's worked hasn't it? The campaign has raised millions (in whichever currency one cares to name) and made internet video stars of many.  It's one (somewhat easy) thing to criticise the stupidity (and it IS stupid, Sir Patrick Stewart aside) and seemingly self-serving nature of the enterprise, but entirely another (and, I suspect crucially, much more difficult) to suggest what we should be doing instead. It must be better to have some "fun" and donate the cost of a couple of beers (or one, in London) while encouraging others to do the same, than to grumble about it and/or to stay silent while neither contributing to a good cause nor encouraging others to do so.

There are so many good causes and charities out there, how do I decide which one(s) to give money to? The worst outcome would be to choose none simply because of being unable to decide between the multitude. I struggle going to the canteen sometimes because there are too many options and I find it overwhelming, but it would be terribly sad to apply that same neurosis to charitable giving.  As it goes I am yet to find a particular cause close to my heart, although homelessness comes close given it is something I see almost every day (and I feel that's as good a reason as any). I have a friend whose family has trouble with eyesight, who therefore would/does give to charities who help blind people.  My Godfather's widow is heavily involved in Demelza House, an Alzheimer's charity, because my Godfather suffered from it. I expect very few of us are more than six degrees of separation from cancer.  Two friends of mine have loved ones with MS.  This is very much not to say we should not donate for starving kids in Africa because we do not know any starving kids in Africa.  Should I give to charity? Yes I should.  Should I tell others about it? Actually yes I should, if it means they then do something good.  Do I need to justify which charities? Only if I want to.

How much should a person donate?  Whatever one can afford.  If you can't donate money, donate some time.  If you can't donate some time, donate some money. For goodness' sake, do something, anything. Alms-giving is one of the five pillars of Islam, and suggests 2.5% of one's savings.  Of course you don't have to be religious to give alms, but the older I get the more and more I like to focus on actions rather the reasons for them.

Why haven't I done the ice-bucket challenge (I've been nominated twice)? Hopefully clearly not because I don't believe in the campaign or the causes. Not because I don't believe in self-promotion (I post tattoo picture diaries and self-indulgent blogs on the internet).  Mostly because I'm a misery-guts and didn't want to do it.  And I'm camera-shy.

What have I done instead?  Not enough.  I donated my fiver to MND/ALS and fifteen quid (+giftaid) to Wateraid.  I pay my penny on every Domino's pizza order.  Recently I paid for three guesses for a friend's time to cycle a certain distance. It cost a fiver a guess, £4 going to charity and £1 going to the prize pot.  The prize pot grew to £33 and I won it.  The website wisely then gives three options - one to take the whole pot, one to claim some of it and one to give the whole lot to the charity.  In the end I went with the third, but I admit I considered the first two for a while.  I also try (try being something of the operative word I'm afraid - I'm aware of at least two requests I am yet to respond to) to sponsor everyone I vaguely know when they ask for it.  Some people believe that the thing being sponsored needs to be ridiculously hard (like a marathon) in order to justify the expenditure and while I have some sympathy for that view, ultimately I'm paying for cancer research, not for my friends/acquaintences to hurt or embarass themselves.

Smart person

Why Ellen Page coming out both does and doesn't matter

On Valentine's Day 2014 Ellen Page, best-actress-oscar-nominated star of 2007's Juno, at the Human Rights Campaign's "Time to Thrive" conference, came out as gay.  Subsequently she has been supported and lauded both by her peers and the public at large.  Rightly so.  Some may dream of a world where inclusion and tolerance are the rule rather than the exception but we ain't living in one yet.  So yes, absolutely, it was a brave thing for her to do.

But why brave?  Why not just "good" or "rad"?  Courage is needed in the face of adversity, to push oneself to do something that might not turn out well or backfire.  Why wouldn't coming out publicly turn out perfectly fine?  Is it because Page now won't make the top 100 FHM sexiest women lists anymore?  Will mean people hiding behind their keyboards in deep dark corners of the internet say nasty things for no reason?  Will she struggle to get good or varied roles in films now?  Never mind about the first two, but the third could be a problem; it is the possibility of Hollywood or the movie-consuming public turning against her (what a sad and ridiculous notion) that no doubt gave her pause when she strode up to the podium that day.

Can we no longer believe it if Page's characters have romantic encounters with men (which they have on occasion I might point out)?  Must she only portray lesbian characters from now on?  In response to this last I'd be half tempted to suggest that when offered such a role (as no doubt she will be now) why not take it (not simply for the sake of it, mind, the script etc should of course pass her usual quality control).  Problem is, as a wise fellow once pointed out to me, such a film would be labelled a "gay film" rather than a film that just so happens to have gay characters in it.  Such as last year's Blue is the Warmest Colour, for example.  As far as I'm aware both lead actresses of that are heterosexual, but of course that way 'round is OK, 'coz it's only acting, right?

Speaking of acting, which we weren't, let's talk about make-believe for a second.  A couple of pals made a point of asking me what my reaction to the news was.  The reason for this is that since watching Juno I have had something of a less-than-private celebrity crush* on Miss Page.  It has withered in recent years (for instance, I haven't seen any of her three recent films yet, whereas once upon a time I would have dragged my friend to bluewater shopping centre (because that's the only cinema showing them) to watch them on opening day) but my 13-year-old-boy tendencies aside, she is still an incredibly talented and watchable actress, and many of her films tend to be a fair wack outside the mainstream (An American Crime, The Tracey Fragments, Mouth to Mouth) and well chosen.  My reaction?  Well what can I say, my hopes and dreams were crushed!  Dashed into a thousand pieces!  No, really.  My fantasy of going into a pub by London Bridge and there's this famous actress there and she says hello and buys me a drink and we have a chat about films and have a photo taken together (and that's it by the way - what can I say, I'm a hopeless romantic) has been completely and utterly destroyed by the revelation that she wouldn't be interested in me.  Uh huh, because everything up to that point was definitely going to happen.  Up until 13 February 2014 she might have been interested.  Totally believable.  Now it's all ruined and I can't sleep at night due to the sheer betrayal.  OK, OK, I'll stop with the sarcasm, it being not big nor clever and all, but perhaps the definitions of words like "act" and "fantasy" aren't clear enough to some people.  Does it matter to me that a celebrity crush likes women?  Nope, not a fig.

Rant nearly over, save for an odd phrase that oft get used at times like this.  I refer, of course, to the sublimbly charming and 100% inoffensive phrase "what a waste" (sorry that sarcasm has crept back in - I'll have to fire my editor).  What a shame!  A waste of what?  For whom?  Sorry I'll stop being naive and come right out and say it - what a shame that such a pretty and talented girl isn't available for heterosexual men.  Hmmmm.  Let's say there are 3.15 billion of those on the planet (half of 7 billion less 10% - is one in ten men gay?  Or is that left-handedness?  I forget - not allowing for men in deep jungle tribes that haven't seen Juno, poor ignorant bastards).  Let's say in a parallel universe Page is heterosexual (I've recently decided I don't like the word "straight" given the opposite is used to describe corrupt police officers) and that like a swan she mates for life.  What a shame it is that she is not on the market for the other 3.14999999 heterosexual men on the planet.  What a damn shame.  (To be fair, this thought did cross my mind when Christina Hendricks got married.)  You see where I'm going with this, right?  It might be described, however, as a shame when awesome people don't pass on their genes (Stephen Fry I'm looking at you) when so many, how shall I say, less-than-awesome people do manage to, but of course there are plenty of options in this day and age to ensure that that needn't be a sure-fire consequence, thank goodness.

What's next?  Hopefully two main things.  Firstly, that many people take heart, hope and inspiration from Ellen Page (and all others in the public eye who have come out before and after her) and secondly, that she kicks shed-loads of arse in the new X-men film.  Now that one I might just go and see on opening day.


* This might be considered unhealthy in a man of my advancing years, but if people could find it in their hearts to allow me to like a woman who is unobtainable for obvious, impersonal and painless reasons (this is as opposed to real (read: non-celebrity) people who are unobtainable for far less obvious reasons), I would appreciate it.  Ta.

Love in the time of hardcore music

Jane Doe, a lyrical masterpiece

I have read it said that there are two types of Converge fans.  Firstly, there are those who were there in the beginning, who dig 1998's When Forever Comes Crashing and what came before it, and those of us hooked by and on 2001's seminal Jane Doe and everything that's followed.  It is certainly not true that the early material only has merit purely for historical reasons (in the same way a visual artist's rough sketches and student drawings become interesting), but one year into the new millenium, the Salem, Massachussets five-piece (as they were then)'s fourth studio album showed the world just how intelligent really heavy music could be.  Converge pushed themselves kicking and screaming above their peers and have remained out on top ever since.  Often imitated but never bettered, indeed.

This is hardly news.  The band still opens its shows with the one-two sucker punch of Concubine/Fault and Fracture, the shirts in the crowd still mostly feature the gaunt looking woman who first adorned the album cover, and as the best-of lists stretch out over the years, Jane Doe remains while others fade away.  There is little to add about the quality and variety of musicianship and song-crafting on display, the distinctive sound-world that remains unique no matter how hard others try to match it, the iconic artwork, the rich and necessary catharthis found within and throughout.  Converge could've stopped there leaving most people none-the-wiser (many bands will have of course stopped long before), but as all Jacob Bannon fans know, there is one more piece to the puzzle of why this particular record, the jewel in the band's consistently impressive discography, achieved something I can only describe as near perfection.

"The album's lyrical themes were born out of a dissolving relationship and the emotional fallout from that experience." - Jacob Bannon, talking to Revolver magazine in June 2008.

To say we could probably have worked that out for ourselves is no criticism.  Cedric Bixler-Zavala aside, what is the point in poetry so obscure that it leaves the audience with nothing, not a glimmer of resonance or relation?  At the other end of the spectrum, where is the art in expressing oneself too plainly?  Thankfully for us, Mr Bannon is an artist.

There is a certain irony, which it would be remiss not to mention, in that the vocals are nigh-on completely indescipherable, and that we know what is being said thanks partly to the album liner notes and partly to gaps filled in on numerous websites (presumably with an original source by Bannon himself). This is not always the case, as "Coral Blue, Grows in You, Coral Blue, Tells the Truth" (clearly driven first and foremost by the amount of syllables needed in the phrase, which is a shame) from 2012's All We Love We Leave Behind, readily points out. But given the unceasing passion and power in Bannon's delivery, and the devotion of the fans at the front (or wherever Bannon has waded out to) who never seem to miss the cue when proffered the microphone, to gloss over the lyrics would be gross and grave folly. Hopefully the mic never comes to me, as I have visions of shouting the wrong thing and the whole show being stopped as everyone walks out in disgust and shame.

Where were we? Oh yes, the demise of a relationship and its emotional fallout. Not an original topic, but the poetry that runs through Jane Doe is notable for its absence of generalistion and misogyny which can creep into such musing.  (Don't get me wrong, Glassjaw's Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Silence has got me though many a lonely Valentine's Day, but I woud not hold up Daryl Palumbo's lyrics on that record as an example of a man talking through his problems with articulate and measured calm.)  Back to Jane Doe, please also note the complete absence of swearing.  Although its presence does not necessarily detract from wit and expression, and personally I don't mind it, it is nevertheless telling when someone can express themselves so honestly and passionately without resorting to it. (As an interesting aside, there is a lot of swearing on Slipknot's Iowa and Tool's Aenima but a complete absence of it in each band's follow-up (Volume 3: The Subliminal Verses and Lateralus, respectively) - I have read that Corey Taylor did this deliberatly but I don't know about Maynard James Keenan.)

So what was Bannon trying to tell us? Well I think it's all one big metaphor for death.  Not about wanting to die, but rather about the death of (the) love.  The album's title is an obvious but succinct metaphor for this, with the woman on the cover (not based on a model, incidentally) complementing it nicely.  This is as opposed to, say, a title of "My ex-girlfriend is a bitch and I feel like shit" and the album cover being a picture of her.  Although overall the lyrics are bleak, and convey sadness beyond all doubt, where there might have been hate there is hope.  There is mention of the good times and it is made clear, perhaps crucially, that there was a deep love before it all fell part.  And there is little blame.

1. Concubine

Dear, I'll stay gold just to keep these pasts at bay
To keep the loneliest of nights from claiming you
and to keep these longest of days from waking you
For I felt the greatest of winters coming
and I saw you as seasons shifting from blue to grey
That's where the coldest of these days await me
and distance lays her heavy head beside me
There I'll stay gold, forever gold

This appears to refer to a time while the relationship is still going on but clearly the end is in sight.  She is affectionately referred to as Dear, and the borrowing of Spandau Ballet's gold metaphor conveys trying to be good to her and making an effort for the relationship.  Worryingly, however, a "Concubine" is a woman of lower status than a man's wife or wives.  I assume its use as a title is an unkind dig at her rather than an admission of polygamy.

2. Fault And Fracture

You were most beautiful as the damage and the trauma
Pounding hard with battered wings of destiny
You were my last great war
You were my heaven ablaze
Riddled with faults and fractures
And I spent my last of days burning my oldest of bridges
And I spent my last of nights killing the best of friends
In the company of thieves, liars, beggers and whores
I'll lay waiting, just waiting for my time to come

The first half seems to suggest she was troubled and he did his best to help her, at least up until the end, and after it did end here are some immediate ways in which he tried to start getting over it.  Notable for being one of the few songs on the record where the title appears in the lyrics.

3. Distance And Meaning

And like that heart that got in the way
I'll become the lost cause
The child of burden and rage
Like the distance in your touch
Like the years we burned down
I heard that phone call
The hesitation, the awkward silence
I felt everything in those seconds
Splinters of sentence and heartless advice
Nothing's changed but these days entwined

I don't believe the distance here is physical, rather how it feels at the moment time is called.  The heartless advice may refer to either hers or that of his friends in the aftermath.  I have borrowed these lyrics recently to instead be about having feelings for someone outside of an established romantic relationship.  The person finds themself unable to think and act rationally, hence "child", carries these feelings (the burden) around with them all day long, and feels rage at the apparent unfairness of the lack of requitement.  Ironic since love is supposed to be positive.  The heart got in the way.

4. Hell To Pay

Cheap lips, soft eyes, lost in the most blinding lights
As cold as those first nights alone
As the second best he'll become
Sleep deep, girl, dream well
That night, I think he cried himself to sleep
Just maybe, he felt more than we could ever know
And I think he pulled that trigger to empty that memory
I think he cut the weight to end the floods of you
Let him soar, let him ride as budding gravestones do
Just sleep, girl, just dream well

Alternating between affection and despair, the hell to pay is not a punishment for her, but rather a grieving process for him.  Sleeping alone and apart, he wishes her well while he himself feels cold, second best (perhaps to a new lover of hers?) and inevitably entertains thoughts of death, if only to stop hurting for a few seconds.

5. Homewrecker

I have bled and I have given
the longest of rivers and the longest of ropes
And you're not grasping and my light is sinking on the horizon
Knee deep among your wreckage and uncertainty
with anguish my crown and heartbreak my throne
I lay claim to this day - No love, no hope
I've lost count of the second chances
I lay claim to this day - No love, no hope

This looks to be about feeling resentful for all he did for her that came to nothing, for the toll the relationship took on him and how she didn't take his offers of help.  That the title refers to her is I think unavoidable.

6. The Broken Vow

Those nights we had and the trust we lost
The sleep that fled me and the heart I lost
It all reminds me
Just how callous and heartless the true cowards are
And I write this for the loveless
And for the risks we take
I'll take my love to the grave
As tired and worn it is
I'l take my love to the grave

More venom, but not really directed at her.  The second half seems to suggest he has become one of the loveless, who because of this experience will not let himself love again.  As before, this could be appropriated to feeling unable to approach a person in the first place because of the risk of rejection, exposure and vulnerability.  Definitely something sleep has been lost over.

7. Bitter And The Some

Death to cowards, traitors, and empty words
To those adorned with the touch of rose petals
And the blessed gift of forgetfulness
For these are your years and days to outshine
Push on and soar higher
This is your memory
Your everything and the inbetween
Push on and soar higher

There appears to be light at the end of the tunnel.  The blessed gift of forgetfulness is particularly welcome.

8. Heaven In Her Arms

Death was just a simple glance across a dim lit room
And those eyes did it
Those three words did it
Those three words killed him
And I surrender to it all
Between you and me, I surrender to you
Forgive me for the sadness
And the bringing of you down
I just needed a lover and I needed a friend
And there you were
Running from forever like all the rest
Three simple words bled me dry
Three simple word bled us dry, bled us dry
I love you

Or maybe not.  Seemingly both a lament at falling in love in the first place and an acknowledgement of / plea for forgiveness for his part in the break-up.  The "I love you" is all the more sweet for its explicitness and simplicity. Ultimately though, I find the title is enough to describe how you feel about someone.

9. Phoenix In Flight

And I write this to you my dear
For your eyes alone
I'm out of heart and these tanks are low
So cast your days to flame
And set your phoenix to flight
Let her turn to ash
Among those flourescent lights
Let your love drift deeper
Let her wings catch the sky
Just remember my name, girl
And remember what died

10. Phoenix In Flames

She burns as bright as the sun
and she falls darker than night
She shines as light as these days
And she fades faster than time
Phoenix in flames

Interestingly, I think there is hope in what is not mentioned here, namely the resurrection of the Phoenix.  The flight and flames might refer to her own grieving process (the presence and importance of which can often be forgotten by the person who feels the end wasn't their decision).  Nevertheless, he would like her to remember him.

11. Thaw

In the want, the need, and this desperation
You'll find me as the time-bomb
As the last great stand in this history
When all our roads have been travelled
And all have come to a most bitter end
Today I thaw

Being at a most bitter end might seem at odds with thawing out, but I'm going to take them as sequential rather than concurrent.  There is nothing left to deal with so now he can begin to feel better.

12. Jane Doe

These floods of you are unforgiving
Pushing past me spilling through the banks
And I fall
Faster than light and faster than time
That's how memory works
At least in the dark where I'm searching for meaning
When I'm just searching for something
I want out
Out of every awkward day
Out of every tongue tied loss
I want out
Out of the burdening nightsweats
Out of the rising seas of blood
Lost in you like saturday nights
Searching the streets with bedroom eyes
Just dying to be saved
Run on girl, run on

I never said the album was chronological, lyrically, but if so this feels out of sequence.  Either that or the thaw was premature.  In either case, he's fed up and wants to move on (which in the last line he suggests she does too).

References:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jane_Doe_%28album%29

http://www.darklyrics.com/lyrics/converge/janedoe.html